this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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