I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
