I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize