i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
