I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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