Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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