rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
