After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
