he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
