I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
