and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize