had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When are your genitals available?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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