WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
