This is not my ceiling
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
