My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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