There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
