Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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