What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
