I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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