I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
