I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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