also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize