In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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