MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
