clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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