is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
