im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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