I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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