fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
