I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
