Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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