white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
