you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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