I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
