My hand turned me down
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
