dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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