I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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