Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize