I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
