NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That's when you crack a 10am beer
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize