benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
