what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
