I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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