Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
