I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love you.
Bad choice
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
