Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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