just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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