it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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