I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
