Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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