i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
