Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
