There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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