It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
