someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
