i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
