sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
