Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
