Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
