I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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