I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
