yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize