Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
