I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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