before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
