what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
