if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
