I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
