your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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