so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
