sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
