just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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