wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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