Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want to fling myself into the sun
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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