If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
